time flies

WOW!! i can't believe that its been a whole year since i last posted anything and what a year it has been. i have moved back to texas, i have gotten two jobs since then and i now own my own car and have my own apt. this year was a journey down some dark roads but slowly its getting better and i am working on making myself a better and trustworthy person. i can no longer keep looking back but only look forward and hope that with each step i take that it gets me closer to my goal of being back to the place and person i call home.

I have begun walking with my dad each day for two miles. i know some people might not find that impressive but when you live in the south and its as hot and humid as a rainforest, you start to feel pretty proud of yourself for not dying after just a few steps.

well i think i should close this post for now. i will see if i can start posting more, maybe get more of my work on here and see whatelse i can do.

adios :)

ok for now

i have just finished celebrating my birthday and it was great. this year is turning out to work great for me. i finally got a car this year. its an 01 hyundai elantra and i love it. its got a few scratches but its all mine and no one elses. its the first car i have ever owned since i was a teenager and drove a suzuki samari..

i have also looked into going back to school so i can do court reporting. it will take me some time to finish but i will be graduating with a asc degree and then its on to the middle to high big bucks. :) i know court reporting is not everyone's cup of tea but it looks like it will be alot of fun with something new everyday. the only thing i have to work on is getting my face to stay neutral. and if anyone knows me, i do not have a poker face at all. if i don't like something or if i do like something, my face will always tell ya.

well i will be back because i now have to deal with a 'kid' that doesn't care if he works or not... ugghhhh i can't wait till this place that i help at gets taken over by someone else.... im done....

so where am i

so im about to turn thirty one in a few days and can not believe where the time has gone. my life has not followed the path that i had set out on but it has given me some surprisingly fun twists and turns. i am still not married or have kids but i have some great nieces and nephews, amazing friends and a good life nonetheless. as far i can see, my life is really now just beginning. i have finally reached a place that im comfortable in my skin and am starting to really make the changes that i want.

i am going to be starting school soon to become a court reporter. it makes a good living and gives me the schedule to be able to do other things. i am looking into copywriting my work and seeing how i can publish it too. might not have any buyers but atleast i can look back and know that i followed thru with it.

as far as my love life, well lets just say that that is a little dusty but i only see things looking up for me. i do have someone that i love very much and am working on becoming the woman that she needs me to be. ..... though on a side note, the more we fight the more affectionate she becomes. she really does love it when someone stands up to her. so thats a plus..

well i guess that is it for now.. i will come back when i have started the journey and really fill this blog out.

till than....

umm what to say

so it's been awhile since i have been here. some things have been happening in the news lately like Iowa legalizing gay marriage and also Vermont overturning the ban. so that officially makes four states that have legal gay marriage. :) Iowa/Vermont/Massachusets and Conneticut. i am so happy that this happening in my lifetime. i know that it will take a long time for all the states to follow suit but i trust that as each new generation comes up and goes into the voting booth that the tide will turn in our favor.

in other more alarming news, there seems to be more and more mass killings of familys and mass shootings at businesses. my friends say it only seems like more because we have more news outlets to turn to and to watch online. but i stand firm that as long as the economy keeps in the rubble we will keep having these killings. i just want to reach out to these people and let them know that nothing warrants taking lives like this. it might seem like things won't get better but honestly they do. the rubble will lift and you can return from this. as trite as it sounds, you just have to keep the faith.

i hope everyone takes the chance each day to say to their loved ones that they are the world to you and to hug each other tightly.

monday

why is it that mondays get such a bad rep. why does that word dredge up cold thoughts and lend us shivers that run down the spine. there is even a study that was done years ago that said mondays have the highest number of heartattacks. i know for myself that mondays hold a gray sky over me. its so hard after a relaxing week to have to go back into work and see people that you can't escape from for eight hours and a boss that clearly keeps his job based on the suction he maintains on the ass of his boss. there are songs sung about the evil monday and what we would rather be doing.

but i have decided to take a stand against hating mondays. i take a pledge here and now to say that i will promise to love monday just as much as i love fridays. to cheer its approach each week. to write it love notes saying that i could not focus without it. it keeps me grounded and resolved to make better choices and then to actually live by the choices i make.

so monday, here is my first love note to you... " i love you like the bug that escapes the shoe" , love sibabae...

p/s just so you know, im seeing all the days of the week so don't feel like im cheating....

some of my work

i thought today i would post some of my work. this work is in the process of being copywritten so please do not copy and try to pass as your own. these works can be posted elsewhere but only with written permission first...
all work is titled "untitled" because i hate trying to label something. so work is just untitled one and so forth.

silence surrounds me
my heart stops the constant beat
my breath catches itself
the winds stop flowing
the birds silence their song
people dissappear from my sight
the world halts to a stop
and all this
all this occurs each time your lips meet mine.... end


the world spins
and we spin with it
circle circle till were stuck in the ground
the water keeps coming, ready to drown
people walk by
point and laugh at things they don't undertstand
you go to release my hand
then reach to grab it back
confusion steps in, ready to unmake what we know
reality fades back to the dreamworld
night comes and with it your ghostly shadow
your prescence is felt, needed, wanted
loss for words is how this ends.... end

i see you across the room
and wonder how long its been
how long its been that my heart has stopped its beat
how long i have felt this alone
you don't see me
i prefer that disconnection from you
its been too painful to keep your memory
i keep to my quiet days
what's the use of words when there's no one there to listen
so in this shadowed corner i sit
i wonder how are you able to soar
like you do without me there to be your sky
how easily you move to your next future
without a toss to your past
your coldness is envious
maybe one day i can learn that parlor trick
until that day i will go back into the quietness i keep..... end

TO J:
my wild woman
my woman of a forgotten tribe
my woman of fragile beauty and bitter strength
you open your soul
and its a palette of indigo and sage
colors that crash into my ocean
my wild woman... end


i stand in the wake of the ground
you shook when you left this place
the birds circle low to the ground
the heavens cry in thought of you
the hidden guardians draw their cloaks tighter
the animals refuse their chores
i sit alone in this broken room
a melancholy light hanging above me
shattered remains of our life
lay scattered across the floor... end

well this was some of my work, and yes i know that its always a work in process but sometimes you just lay what you have in your mind and on your tongue out there and see what it becomes. i thank you for reading and i will have some more work coming up.

sibabae

so this is it

so this is it, my first blog. i know that i should first wonder if i want to be gramatically correct with this blog and the answer is no. i will try to spell my words correctly but that's as far as it will go. i should also try to have topics but it will generally be whatever pops into my head. i guess third is if i should be worried about speaking private things or saying something that might be offensive but the hell with it. i promise to protect as much as i can but will still be honest in my telling of things. so i guess that is my disclamier. so if you want to continue reading, than you have been warned.

so i have decided that i want to make a list of things i want to do in this life or atleast what i want to do withen this year.

i want to go back to school
i want to finally get a car
i want to seriously focus on my writing
i want to buy something private off the web
i want to travel home

i know that i should be more of an adult and say i want to save to buy a house, fix credit, find a job, invest in 401k and other adult things but thats just not me. i mean i do want to do all that but if i don't buy a house i will be ok. if i don't invest in 401k at this moment i will be ok. it doesnt mean i will work into my senior years at walmart saying hello welcome to walmart. i really want to travel and write about it. my dream is to one day get a camper and just drive off into the unknown, cataloging and taking pictures of all that i see. i get bored easily so i figure that would be fun to do and it would be something different everyday.

well other things are pulling at me now so i will wrap up this first blog with a promise that i will be back to post some more.

till then,

sibabae